Fake all the smiles and tell people you are smiling (:

What can I do ? I have to fake smile infront of my friends causr they want me to be very happy :D Thats why here I am , but no one knows inside the hurtful and depressed feeling side of me . I will never never show it infront of anybody (: . Heart is hurting so badly that wan take a KNIFE LIKE STAB THROUGH IT AND IT FEELS BETTER . Tomorrow have an outing . SHAUN ITS THE LAST OUTING ! PLEASE SMILE LIKE U NEVER SMILE BEFORE ! HAHAHA ! Okay (: please teara dont drop later and bye (:

Shaun , it is NOT WORTH , NOT WORTH AT ALL !

Shaun please tell yourself thay every night stop crying for goodness sake .. Stop crying , she wont come back to you one . She has her own life you know ? Dont disturb her . And i dont mind u getting angry at me cause i lie to you .. Its okay . I can handle myself . I tell myself not to but i cant help
It , i just keep crying and crying . Will this day ever stop ? It is so fucking
Pain pain pain . Nobody can understand . Im forever alone . A lonely boy .
Fuck love , fuck relationship FUCK EVERYTHING !

Less than one day , I'm already missing you so much .. 

Hello :B , yeah back to posting . Hmm today went out with Julian , Dorcas , Cassandra , Yong Quan . Jad

Heart Shattered broken into pieces , heart hurts alot ..

Hey people (: this night is very terrible , been crying since 10.30 up to now . Idk what's wrong with me cause my heart is terribly hurting inside deeply alot and I can't stop the pain . Mood very terrible plus emo song = worst feeling ever had . Heart pain cause of you . I just don't know why , I can't seem to stop the pain . Can't seem to let go .. Trying to smile as hard as possible okay (: tears stop flowing down please stop (: it is not worth for everything . Goodbye .

Looking at sweet couples make me jealous like shyt . Maybe I don't have the fate ?

Yeah back to this blank , dead , emotionless blog . Yeah :D . Hmm .. What to talk about like seriously ? Lol . Hmm you this girl , I will forget you just u wait :D I'm not as weak as you think , if you think that way , you're wrong so wrong . Friends are like gems precious and hard to find , but fake friends appear everywhere like owvea laying on the floor for you to silly pick them up . I wonder if I have pick up any gems yet cause Its so hard to find one . I just don't get it why do some people can get the thing that I wanted so much but I don't have the ability to have it . Sadly , life is just unfair . So unfair but I will try and somehow make it fair . I just haven't find my right onE yet . I want the old me back like seriously Maybe like primary 6 yeah ? Cause I am so peaceful and happy with my life back then .. No relationship problem , have wonderful friends , no need to think so much . Everyday have the smile on my face . But I think these are all part of growing up yeah ? Prehaps I should get used to it . Some emotionless song bring back memories and made me tears dropping slowly .. But I promise myself I will be happy when I have outing with friends . I can do it , Shaun jiayous (:

Everything will be change as long you have the power to do it (:

Hmmmm... HELLLLLOOOOO :D Well today is a super super boring day.. nothing to do just sit at home watch tv.

I'm just confuse about the situation I'm having , but you will reject me right ?

Hai didn't post for 2 days .. Yesterday was a disaster , had a high fever ._. that's so horrible like shyt . Temperature keep rising . So I went to sleep at 10pm and woke up the next day at 9.30am . Wah so shiok I tell you LOL . But having fever sucks like shyt , don't have the appetite to eat the food u love the most and the taste is so bland ._. And my head hurts me like no kidding man damn pain x.x . But I woke up at 3.30 am to shyt -.- had a stomach ache damn badly after that went to sleep shiok die (Y) anyway . I started to date someone and accept her stead request so yeah .. She seem happy .. So I should feel the same too ? I hope and I must cause I don't want hurt her feeling .. Sigh . But how am I gonna solve the fact that she is still part of my memory -.- FML .. Mind just very confuse .. But I think when we have our first outing , she will Confirm reject me cause I'm an ugly
Monster :D yay . It's okay one since I'm always reject :) looks are so that important , what to do ? This is total sucks . Hate myself why am I like that .. But it can't blame anybody yeah . So yeah good bye .

Today was such a unexpected and fun outing <:

Back to posting , hmm today went out with Dorcas and Julian again . Hmm feel like an extra again . Well it's okay (: just close one eye . But seem like a loner .. Well it hurts so much . Now having Headache and very tired , but don't want to sleep . Hosehbo? I want have is fever leh not headache :( .. And I also dk like her anot.. Pssh so confusing . Well I think she doesn't like me le when we go outing yeah ? (: okay headache hurts me like shyt . Thank you :D . Hmm I think nothing le bah , gonna sleep soon . Tomorrow is the 1st December . Please be good to me :( sigh .. But it won't happen . Anyway Goodnights :D

This is very Painful and hurting me so much 

Hmm yesterday didn't post cause too lazy . Hmm going to end of November already and it's Decemer . Time flies very fast . People change alot too . Well watching MAMA MNET star award show and it was so thrilling and exciting , at the same time very moody :/ . Sigh . Especially when it came to night time . Mood turn bad . I just can't seem to forget u walao . When to Facebook saw your post then ._. sigh . So many problems have been attacking me and hoping for a solution to all . K thanks bye.

Back to posting yeah . Hmm everyday gets More and more pissed off . Hmm as expected . Parents cared about my studies only and only know how to shout at me . At night jitao piss off damn piss like fucked -.- . But I did something trilling . Shiok die so shuang the pain . Haha . Hmm haix .. I want to have fever and headache please :( . It's so good to have a gf or bf that spent with u .. Haix jealous die ): so painful . But I'm trying to hold back my tears ! Not that weak ! Well .. Yeah that's all bye ..

Haish .. Such a painful day today .. Went to Bugis Street with my mother in the afternoon to search for my IPhone Charger .. Cause I will be needing it ? Went to eat PastaMania at Bugis Junction there and the good varieties there were like too little . Pssh . Order Pizza and garlic bread and we sawfishes our stomach . Went back home , I thought I saw her but it's not her -.- why always I thought I see her but it's just mu imagination . FML . Pssh . Anyway we can't be together , oh wait I think we aren't friends I think . Stranger to be exact . Didn't even contact her le . I'm trying to forget but it's just too difficult . Faggot sua take a knife and stab through the heart better so it's not that painful le Z. Why I never get fever headache or whatever shit . Fever burn until my mind crazy . Anyway goodbye .

Back to Posting (: . Well 11:11 just pass just a few minutes ago , and I wish my son Julian to recover soon -.- that guy ah must force then can sleep . I'm NAGGY cause I care for you okay . I hope you don't mind about it . Pssh . Should nOt have been too NAGGY about it but yeah . Hope you recover soon ASAP and feel strong as ever yeah . Gosh first time care for a person so much like crazy ._. . Anyway morning jiu get pissed off by dad -'- as usual hatedieyou a lot . Kns -.- . I'm feeling that exhausted like fk -.- . I wonder got people care so much about me ANOT . I will feel so happy . Went to Tampines Mall to shop shop and buy my school shoes -.- . Just nice it fits very perfectly . Hmm I also don't know what to talk about zzz . Haix .. Why everyday like that ? Please cheer up . There will be up and down when u two together .. Don't just small things jiu angry or no mood .. Ah dk what to say lazy blog bye bye -.-

Looking back all the posts I post when I was Secondary 1 , I was shocked that I actually wrote so many childish and ridiculous posts . This is stupid -.- . Make a fool out of myself . Hmm I changed damn a lot and more mature I guess . Secondary 1 was such a cheering and happy life for me but this year sucks like shyt yeah . People do change yeah so don't be too shocking . I think I would want to go back to my old me but that is impossible yeah . Nvm it's okay .

It's Thursday today and it really fucking sucks today (: . Firstly is of course my dad as usual . Never fail to make me piss one day . Must give me attitude everyday and make me feel sucks yeah (: thanks dad you did a really good job of helping me . I appreciated alot (: . Well apparently why do I bother to help people business when they don't care about yours ? It's like they appreciated your help and then poof happy walk away (: . Hmm that's really good of you . Hmm tomorrow early morning going swimming as usual , every Friday yeah ? I hope I get drowned into the deepest pool and died on the spot yeah? That will be so awesome . I live also don't know for no reason , always KANNA attitude by others and need to see their black and fuck up attitude (: . I should go bang wall die sua then everything will be fine . Hmm.. You ask me to do that do that as your guai dog like cook rice , help u take things, help u call , help u cook that , help u wash that , help u hang clothes wash clothes . I preserve yeah (: I will and I can . I didn't complain a thing . Cause I respect u . You said you see my face angry , hmm like I see your du LAN face happy like that ? Pls lah kettle calling the pot black ? I eat dinner slowly also u must kpkb . I eat slow is my own fucking problem , what rights do you have to control me ? Stay at home also you kpkb , outside with my friends also kpkb . Are you making my life miserably ? Nvm I ren I ren okay (: . I can do it , Shaun you can . You no need to depend on your friends to help u cause they can't do a thing only me can . Everyday's life getting more and more peaceful yeah ? I'm starting to hate this family alot cause nobody care for a second about me . Well just keep smiling to hide the pain inside my heart . Wonder what it is feel like when u end your life ? Hmm.. I think that's all yeah ? I don't know what to do just to keep smiling~
Smile is a strongest expression that allows you to hide your mood deep inside your heart .

Hi yeah back to posting (: . Today is Wednesday right ? Hmm time past really really really fast :/ haix . Seriously I should not care about your things le since we are so cold to each other yeah ? I live my own life , you live yours . We both go separate route (: . That will be better for you and me . Isit ? I wish you all the best for your tomorrow PSLE results (: . Now playing GO GO SUMMER LOL . So random but yeah . Sigh what should I do ..? Give up or what ? Kns -pissed off- seriously don't know what to do . Can someone tell me ? Hmm I blog for
Fun and make me feels better (: it is indeed feel great . Nevertheless like I always said , nobody is perfect in this world , it is neither me nor you at all . So you can bitch about anybody business u got that ? Think before u speak out anything from your mouth . 我是不是很后悔认识你呢？心里非常的痛好象被割到。I shall try my best to
Forget u yeah ? I'm strong not a pathetic no guts guy okay . You can count on that (: but nothing seems happy happens to me but only feels jealous and sad when looking a lovely couple :( sigh . Why can't just parents think about me and concern about me instead of studies and studies ? This is seriously sucks Urgh . Every night will boom sad songs just to make me more worst or better ? I don't know . Pssh . Yeah I think that's it . 再见了 Goodbye~
You are my everything in this world and u made my day brighter but it become darker and darker  .

Heyyyy I'm back (: . Well today had lots of fun with Dorcas And Julian :D . We went to WILD WILD WET AND played all the slides there hehehe. It was so fun but unlucky for me I KANNA sunburn MA de , zao jiu dao put sun lotion -'- ah sua nvm . But I get blacker I hope . There have so many people and like damn crowded but still get to have fun . How I wish if you are here also with me having fun that will be good sigh ..  .. Such a pain that I have to close one eye cause i don't want to get jealous over nothing ): . Oh well , oh and slides are super awesome especially the 3 seaters one , damn faster and shiok and scary cause the float thing keep turn until I face the front -.- MA de . Well I had lots of fun though together with them (: . But felt like an extra , I guess it is . It's like they mushy together then I'm like there feeling so Akward and close one eye and do nothing . I can't believe Audi friends is more fun and countable as close friends than real life . This is so not possible . Well I think I should move on and stop thinking about her yeah ? Cause it's only make me feel so worst like **** . But I wish them all the best and last long till the end alrights ? You two are so perfect for each other  . So yeah but why do I feel the feeling of sadness and painful in my heart ? This just don't get it .. Anyway it's the best day as I really well smile alot (: . Thanks u guys I love you alot  . As sister and son to infinity ~
Sayonara~ shall move on and not to look back in the past ~ Heartbroken

HEYYY IM BACK :D okay this is the last post for today (: tomorrow gonna have outing at pasir ris at e-hub and WWW . Apparently this post is for tomOrrow one LOL . Aiya who cares . I hope I control my jealously for tomorrow as I will jealous and feel
Hurt when a couple so close together ;sigh :( . Heartbroken .. Shattered into pieces . I know I'm weird but idk what to do . Hope my mood tomorrow won't be that black and bad :/ . Well have to force to smile . How I wish that sweet couple can be you and me ? Holding hands in public , hug you tightly and kiss you . If u are mine , I confirm treasure u alot alot :( .. But it won't happen haix :( .. Just have to let go of you ? I hope you still keep that gigantic pooh bear I gave you at primary 4 during valentines day  . I took alot of courage to say all
Those .. I'm not happy .. I want them to be like ours . Come back to me and be with me ? :( .. Anyway Goodnights :D
Sayonara~ I pray everyday just to hope I have that chance that keeps me going and going .

HEYYY IM BACK :D okay this is the last post for today (: tomorrow gonna have outing at pasir ris park

I wonder one day IF I were to disappear from this earth , do anyone of you realize and give a damn about it ? I think the answer is no bah (: . Well I'm easily get replaced by someone . Oh yeah when I was handling the frying pan , I accidentally almost burnt my hands and it feel so hot . My both hands are still redish . Well maybe it meant to be ? Oh and nobody cares at all . Well this blog is very cold-blooded and feel with tears , hatred , anger . If you don't feel like reading , then don't okay (: I don't want to affect anybody feeling here . But I think nobody is willing or have time to read my rubbish posts . It's okay there is me here . I will read all those posts (: . Oh and can you like stop fighting anymore ? Do you know that it is very childish ? Hello grown up le leh still wan step here there big . Only waste your breath and saliva nia . So please hor just say a SINCERELY SORRY and shake hands and be friends . Is that very difficult to do ? One is my sister , the other one is my best friend . I don't want you two are angry over this lame situation . I'm just speaking the fact . Like or not up to you but I already said what I have to . I just want all the better for u two . That's all . Sayonara~
my love for you will never change a bit 

Hey YO I'm back :D it's Monday today . Weekend past very fast I see ? Well each day get more hurtful than ever ? Just don't get what youngsters these days thinking about . Just a few small matter jiu angry and like flare up their temper . Apparently I'm such a kind guy that always lots of problems throw towards me to handle all of them . Well I don't mind that but what if it's me ? I think nobody even care about it . Oh and it's raining so heavily just now and it stopped suddenly . Hey boy , if you really love your girlfriend very much , open your heart and tell her how u feel and hug her tightly and said you're mind forever . That will be so sweet . How I wish I have one . Well I'm still young and it's no rush . I had banana , chicken rice for breakfast and lunch . But I'm planning to skip it . To feel the gastric pain . If I will you , I will feel very happy and lucky that I have such a good person to you that cares for you , play with you . So you should treasure her instead of making her feel sad . One day u will know you should treat her better as u don't feel it now . It just not fair , NOT FAIR AT ALL !
But I will still wait for you cause there is a 0.01% that kept me going . 

Apparently I do not have a single true friend that I can trust which is so pathetic . Well I'm a loner , not popular at all , ugly fat stuffs sucks like shyt . Not sociable . But I can't blame on anyone I guess ? It's my problems . Oh well a true friends I had is my pillow , bolster and my soft toy cat <: feel pathetic right ? Idgaf , at least they are there for me whenever I need them  Well my mum only cares about my studies apparently and my food . She always Bom me about tuition stuffs and when to have it and must work hard . Got assigment must do and score well for all subjects , but apparently she and my dad don't care about my true feeling deep down my heart had so many sorrows and painful . I can't believe I'm actually crying when typing this . It feels so good . Nobody in this family care for my life . Only study life I must say . How pathetic <:

Starting the day was kind of normal until the night time , it was a fantastic moment that strikes . I miraclely was finding something on my table and I accidentally hit onto the table and my leg bleed bleed and bleed non stop . The feeling is great I want it to bleed even more . Well aparrently it didn't stop and my parents came and gave me a terrible scolding and I'm trying to hold my tears as possible . It's just that u didn't even know the situation about it and YOU JUST SCOLD ME FOR NOTHING. EH BASTARD AND BITCH U DON'T EVEN KNOW ANYTHING BETTER KEEP YOUR DAMN FUCKING BLOODY MOUTH SHUT BEFORE I MADE U SHUT IT GET IT ?! _|_ . I HAVE MY LIMITS OKAY ! DONT ANYTHING THEN JUMP TO CONCLUSION , OH WELL I GUESS I HAVE TO CRY ALL OUT WHEN IM SLEEPING I GUESS ?! HAHA OKAY NIGHTS :D

Do believe in yourself , don't mind peOple's opinions of you . Only then you will succeed in everything you achieve in . Just realized after I read the older posts about me , I feel so immature and childish . I read already can't stand myself and wondering why the helll would I write all those ? But I have changed , but it doesn't make a difference I guess ? Except the maturely . Shall try to put more pictures into it . Cause it's very boring only cause of the texts ? When I look at the sec 3 textbooks etc , I have the feeling I'm gonna die next year yeah next year (: . Wish the best luck for me I guess .
People changes but the feeling remains there as always .

Morning (: mood feeling want to die or don't want to die . Always sucks as ever -.- . Wish I can have some pancakes in the morning . Woke up saw the huge pile of secondary 3 books infront of my face on the table .. Confirm will something bad will happen to me . But idgaf , where got mood ? And now also haven't December . I yesterday I think I saw you with your friends and you are so beautiful as always but it seems that it's just a one sided feeling . Did you still remember that time that day when I gave u the flowers on valetimes day ? Yeah .. I took all my courage to gave it to you by myself . But I guess you treat it as a shyt I guess ;sigh . It's just not fair but too bad blames on my looks, styles , studies and attitude . Who will like ? I can understand that . Well I'm hoping to search more true friends in my secondary life , as most of them are all fakes . Thats nice and sad the same time but I can't do a thing right ? Got problems come to me then solved already disappear (: . Heart bleeds x100 times more hurtful then it can be only someone can stop it but I guess it won't happen (: You got to face reality Shaun . I'm envy to some couples that they are handsome and pretty and last quite long , maybe jealous the same time . I kept thinking when we will be like them ? But I guess 癞蛤蟆想吃天二的弱。I should just give up right ? But I still feel the 0.01% that kept me going non stop ..
Lies are lies whether they are big or small . Signing off,
Shaun L .

It's been very very very long since I have post my feeling here (: . When today seems a normal day for me . I just can't stand people that Zi Yi wei Shi and think that they are so good -.- . Attention seeker _|_ . Fuck off . Just hate being replaced . It feels so suck like fuck . When got problems then come find me , then problem solve jiu disappear from my face le . Better still gtfo of my life right ? -.- These few days mood like suckish -.- Urgh . Anyway tomorrow then post more things (: